It is really hard to eat when you stomach hurts so much you want to cry.
My stomach pain woke me up this morning it was so bad. I got up and walked around a bit and the pain subsided. It didn’t go away, but it was tolerable. While I was driving to Charlottesville it came back with a vengeance. I felt like someone had tied my stomach in a knot and was pulling the ends tighter and tighter. I almost had to pull over on the interstate.
I’m sure it’s no coincidence that I feel like this on the day I have to see Dr. S and E. The anxiety really gets to me. Usually I have a killer headache all day, but I guess I’ve psycosomatically moved the pain to my belly. How appropriate.
I did eat breakfast today and I did manage to get my lunch down. Every bite of food made my stomach hurt worse, so it was a real test of will. It is nice to know that I didn’t have to eat it if I really couldn’t handle the pain. On 2East you have to finish your meal no matter what. Psychologically this is a high hurdle to jump, but physically it made me and the other patients cry on occasion, more so when I was anorexic. Re-feeding hurts. Your stomach gets hard and distended, you have really bad reflux, and you stomach muscles have likely atrophied from un-use. None of that matters, though. You have to eat through the pain. Sometimes it gets so bad that the patients will actually request that Ensure be substituted for some of their calories because it is generally less painful to drink than eat.
My appointment with E is in 45 minutes. I would not be surprised at all if my stomach ache magically disappears as I walk out her office door.
